Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:love:
 


Başlangıçtayken henüz
Seyirci isterim
dansıma.
Beğeni yüklü bakışlar
yüzlerde.

Başlangıç
Yüreğime değdiğinde
Yüzler silinir,
O an yüzlerce figür
bedenimde.

Dansımın tek tanığı
Adımlarım,
Sonrasını
Tutkuya bırakırım

xxxxxx


In the beginning,
I invite viewers to my dance..
I must see admiration
where their eyes are seeing grace..

When the beginning
starts to invade every phase,
Each viewer becomes forgotten
after losing the distant face.  

Then the beginning,
that I invert into the race,
Inflames itself with my passion
And keeps burning in any case.

Despite the ending,
There are trespassers who glance.
No need to send invitations.
At once, all viewers begin to dance.
©2004-2009 ~goldenlight
:icongoldenlight:

Author's Comments

Eski şiirleri elden geçiriyorum. Türkçesi olmayanlara ekliyorum. Size bir şans daha veriyorum..

xxxx
After submitting the previous version of that poem, I have been regretful...I was impatient and didn't want to work more on that poem. I admit it was a mistake. And I have received some comments that aimed to show me why I was failed. Since I believed that the main idea of the poem was valuable, I worked on it more..You will see the result. I hope you will enjoy now...I did, really...

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconsushichan13:
oooooooooooh u were right hun! i LOVE this piece!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yer right yer right u know i love this piece more i loved the other piece but this one....i actually saw the dancer and the audience dancingtoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! loved it! marvelous!!


sayonara hun!!!!!!
:rose:Leeann
:icongoldenlight:
I also could see, furthermore I could also be, the dancer...
I am so proud of me for that...
:dance:
Goksel
:iconsushichan13:
I KNOW I SAW U AS THE DANCER!!!!!!!! i saw a girl dancing with a look on her face that cannot really be described, she had blonde, just-past-shoulder-length-curly hair, and she was jsut dancing and then the audience could not help but get into it as well.....


i dunno thats just what I saw i dunno if that was what u wanted to portray but i like the vision i had.,...it was lovely......


JA!
:rose:Leeann
:icongoldenlight:
you made my day...

I was planning to add my photo to my page, but I have changed my mind after reading your message...I don't want to lose whatever you have in your mind for my image, even it is so different:) It is same for all the friends who visit my page...

:hug:

I'm still :dance:ing, honey..

Goksel
:iconneepheid:
Well done, you've really taken a step forward here.

I like the almost rhyme in stanza 2 (phase/face).

"Then the beginning, that I invert it to a race", might work better as "Then the beginning, that I invert into a race". Just a thought.

Stanza 4 is warm and reads well. It has a positive ring to it, I really like it.

You got rid of a line I liked! That's OK, because you've replaced it with more good stuff.

Well done :)
:icongoldenlight:
My day has been completed now....

Thanks a lot...

Goldenlight
:iconsushichan13:
:rofl: i love that little dancing guy!......but how do u do it?.i can only do boogie guy......i cant get that dancing one how do u do that? i only can get :boogie: not :dance:
:iconphotocell:
I think this one has more harmony within itself. Better structure and nice rhyme to it. I like it very much. It's nice to see you take the critics positively and work to improve :)

:hug:

--
:: No Way Out ::
:iconjuditangelo:
Weeeeeeeeeeh!!! Letīs go to dance!!! :dance: Is so weird for me, but I like every word of this poetry-art!!! :aww:

--
We are floating over the line
Let us follow our mind.

All our life we'll wait for the answer
And the question is why.

If we're following our mind
We can glide into light.

No one knows if there'll be an answer
While we're morphing thru time.

'Morphing Thru Time' ~Enigma

Details

April 15, 2004
1.1 KB

Statistics

43
5 [who?]
4,396 (1 today)
3,365 (0 today)

Site Map